Hello my dear friends of the Omschool. Teacher Omi (Grandma) is going to talk today about a very difficult and painful subject and that is the death of a pet or loved one. I had the sad privilege of sitting with my grandchildren particularly one grandson Moses as his cat Burnt Bagel, passed away. That a softer way of saying "died." I have been thinking up activities and lesson plans to help the children process grief. Here are ways to deal with death in the classroom.
- Keen. This is what the Irish people call grieving through crying, rocking, singing and even wailing. Adults sometimes struggle to express their grief openly. We think we have to "be strong" for other people, that crying means we're weak. But we are powerless to stop death. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And it is very empowering to admit that. Children understand the deep healing in a good cry. Last night, my grandson Lucian did just this. And he is feeling a little bit better today, he says.
- Talk about the deceased loved one. Processing (meaning "to work through") death means recalling happy, funny, even sad times with them. Last night, Moses and I talked till past midnight as he sat with his dying pet. We cried and laughed together.
- Design a memorial. Draw pictures or make some kind of art work to as a memorial to the deceased pet or person. My grandchildren are making Lego sculptures of their cat. They also helped to build a little casket for their cat. They put in his favorite blanket and some flowers.
- Decorate the grave. Depending on your faith or ideology, you can arrange a shrine of some kind. Find pretty flower, stones, shells or other natural items.
- Let the light shine. Did you ever wonder why we burn candles at funerals or as memorials. That's to allow your friend's spirit "light" to shine in memory after death. Light makes us feel safer and warmer, too. You can add votive candles to the memorial--I suggest battery operated or solar ones for safety. Or hang a solar lantern or string of lights. Moses is going to put a bench out by Burnt Bagel's grave, so he can visit, pray and do his homework with his friend nearby.
- Learn the grief process. That way, you'll understand why you feel such big emotions.
- Accept all expressions, don't judge. Have open-ended conversations. Avoid time-lining, streamlining or orchestrating a child's (or anyone's including your own) grief. Everyone does it differently. Some don't cry because it embarrasses them, but it doesn't mean they don't care or feel. Some cry a lot and for a long time. That's okay too. There's no deadline you have to meet.
- Read kids' books about death and grieving. This is called bibliotherapy, or healing you get from books and stories. Here's a bibliography of books on death, dying and grief for children.
Classic & Foundational Books
When a Pet Dies by Fred RogersTrue to his iconic, gentle style, Mr. Rogers helps children understand that the feelings they have after losing a pet—like anger, loneliness, or sadness—are normal and healthy. It is a wonderful resource for validating that "it's okay to feel."
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo BuscagliaA timeless allegory that uses the changing seasons and a leaf named Freddie to explain the cycle of life and death.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert IngpenAn honest, direct book that explains that death is a natural part of being a living thing, with a beginning, a middle, and an end.
The Invisible String by Patrice KarstA comforting story about the "invisible string" made of love that connects us to people we care about, even after they are gone.
Focusing on Pet Loss
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith ViorstA boy struggles to find ten good things to say at his cat’s funeral, eventually discovering how the cycle of nature keeps his pet’s memory alive.
I’ll Always Love You by Hans WilhelmA touching story about a boy and his dog, Elfie, emphasizing the importance of telling those we love how we feel while they are still with us.
Understanding Emotions & Feelings
The Goodbye Book by Todd ParrUses simple text and bright illustrations to describe the many different feelings a child might have after a loss, such as confusion or not wanting to talk.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyenA modern fable that validates that everyone’s "recipe" for grief is unique and that it takes time to "simmer" through the pain.
Michael Rosen’s Sad Book by Michael RosenA deeply personal and honest look at sadness and grief that doesn't offer easy answers, making it very relatable for older children.
Memory & Connection
Ida, Always by Caron LevisBased on a true story of two polar bears at the Central Park Zoo, this book beautifully handles terminal illness and the eventual death of a companion.
The Giving Tree by Shel SilversteinA classic story about the lifelong relationship between a boy and a tree. As the boy grows older, the tree gives of herself at every stage of his life. It is often used to discuss the nature of unconditional love, the different ways we experience needs as we age, and the eventual "resting" at the end of a long life.
The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna RowlandA young girl creates a box to keep mementos of her loved one, addressing the common fear children have that they might forget the person they lost.
- Make a memory box. When my little daughters passed away, at birth, the hospital gave me a box with their little bracelets and the hats they would have worn. Children may add photos, the pet's food dish, toys and collar, and a lock of hair.
- Write a letter to your pet. Or you can write a poem about him or a memorial "obituary." You can make a list of 10 good things about your pet. Here is a poem I wrote called "To our furry friend with love" for our kitty Burnt Bagel.
- Create a
- Have a funeral or memorial service. Most people and pets are buried. Sometimes, they are cremated. Either way, have a little service for them of some kind. When my goldfish "Figaro" died, I invited some friends. We buried him in a perfume box and had a funeral procession to the back yard. My mom played the organ and we all sang "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty." (badly and perhaps not the best funeral song, but it was what I wanted). And that is how kids should express grief, in ways that seem best to them. And planning the pet's funeral gives them something to focus energy on.
- Feed the mourners. I think we had cookies Figaro's funeral. Some people wonder why food is served or other people send meals when a person dies. It's because you are too tired and worn out by sadness to cook for yourself. Sometimes it's hard to eat. But then you just feel more tired if you don't. Help kids plan and prepare a luncheon for afterwards.
- Look for the fern. When my oldest daughter (the mother of the grandchildren who lost their pet) was two, she saw a dead baby mouse and was sad. I told her that the mouse's body would go into the ground and grow into something new and wonderful. I forgot but she didn't. And sure enough, next spring as we admired an opening fiddler fern in that spot, she said with joy "Look Mama, the baby mouse came back!"
- Plant a tree or flower. You don't have to just watch for things growing on the loved pet's grave, you can make sure they do! That's why we plant flowers on graves to remind ourselves that they are gone but not forgotten and in death there is life. Because life is a cycle of birth, death and rebirth. As "The Giving Tree" and "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" have taught us.
- Learn the life cycle of a tree. Now is a good time to explore science lesson plans on new life in spring. Understanding the death and rebirth cycle of a tree, helps illustrate the idea that even when a part of nature passes away, it contributes to new growth.
The Stages of a Tree's Life CycleSeed: It all starts with a tiny seed falling into the soil.
Sprout: With enough water and sunlight, a small green shoot emerges.
Sapling: The tree grows taller and its stem becomes a woody trunk.
Adult Tree: The tree reaches full size and begins to produce its own seeds (like acorns or fruit).
Decomposition: When a tree eventually dies, it returns to the earth, providing nutrients for new seeds to grow—just like Molly's baby mouse and fern.
